We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
