You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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