glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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