At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
