You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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