we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
