Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
