i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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