Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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