I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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