Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
