I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
