i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
