operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
