This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
barbara walters just said penis...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
