hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
