he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
