Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's rum buckets o'clock
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
