your parents love me but you hate me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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