This is not my ceiling
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
