he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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