You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
