YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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