My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need to get me chipped asap
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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