So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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