i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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