Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
