I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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