You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
