so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
