1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
