I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
