I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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