ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
