genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
