dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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