I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
