Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
