I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Two words: blizzard sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
