if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
