Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
