you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would ride that face into the sunset
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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