You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
