We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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