drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Couch. On fire.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
