so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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