I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
