I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
