How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
