I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
