Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
