Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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