You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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