i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
