I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
